Real people or your people?

You get home after a long day of work and the house is a wreck. You expected your significant other to magically see what you see take initiative. You wanted them to have some food started for dinner and make your life a bit easier. You thought they would understand this because you had a long day.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. Sometimes, with over thinking, we have these expectations of people closest to us. We expect them to see things our way or do things because we noticed them. That they should understand how we feel and immediately act on that. And poor innocent you is getting frustrated because your expectations aren’t met.

Well I hate to pop your bubble of perfection, but you maybe hurting your relationship with the person. You cannot expect someone else to change if you are not willing to change yourself. If you don’t accept this then you’re going to have a bad time. Learn to accept people for who they are, what their core beliefs are, what their passions are, what makes them special, and why they are in your life. On a positive note, if the person is a complete dirt bag and treats you like shit on a regular basis it’s probably best to cut the cord now. Don’t band-aid the relationship and force it to work. You will eventually realize that you’re not meant to be in a relationship and try to get out when it’s too late.

Okay back to the original point. You are no perfect and neither is anyone else. Grasp it, breathe it in, and let it marinate. Again, you cannot expect someone else to change if you are not willing to change yourself. Now when it comes to working with other people in your life, especially people who mean something to you, accept them for who they are and what they are capable of. If you know for a fact that your significant other is not going to magically read your mind and clean the house while you are gone then don’t expect it to happen. Going into a situation like that with aggression and anger is only going to cause resentment from the other individual. Things like this may cause your relationship in time to fall apart. Change your approach. Change the way to handle that situation. If they aren’t going to magically do it by themselves and they are not going to do it, change your approach.

But how and in which way. Start way before this incident is going to happen. Because if you expected it to happen that means you already thought about it long ago. It wasn’t a random thought that popped into your head right as you walked into the house. It was a thought that was conceived through talks with friends, watching tv/movies, parental conditioning, and interactions with authority throughout your life. Most of these taught you to view things with expectations. Your friends have their subjective view of the world and try to convince you that it is the right way to handle your life. Movies and tv try to convince us of how we are supposed to do things in relationships or real life. Watching your parents as you grow up causes you to have certain expectations about life. Dealing with authority is another one that causes some misunderstanding about expectations. When you were growing up teachers would have certain unspoken expectations about you.

Understanding how some of these scenarios may have affected your life can bring some meaning for the need of change. If we continue the same patterns, beliefs and teachings we were raised with how we will ever grow and develop as individuals. All we are doing is regurgitating information that has been taught to us.

The next time something like the expectations to have a clean house upon arrival come about change your approach. Think about the scenario and the persons involved. Have you experienced this type of situation with this person before and how did it turn out last time? Was it a four-day fight over the couch not being organized, the carpet not being thoroughly vacuumed, or the dishwasher still full with clean dishes. Are these small things worth a four day fight? Are they worth that much to you to put a strain on a relationship with an individual who treats you great and respects who you are.

Why not clearly communicate, in a friendly manner, about how you two can work together to keep your house clean. If they are better at keeping the kitchen and the bedroom clean, accept that and let them be in charge of those two rooms. Or if they are better at cooking and buying groceries then why don’t you keep the house clean. Being in a relationship is about helping the other person, so that the two of you can grow stronger together. A relationship is a team and not two people fighting about who did more. Stop worrying about the small stuff and start working with the other person in your life. Change your approach, it may help.

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